Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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