I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
