I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
