Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
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