i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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