party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
