It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
