Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
