I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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