i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
