Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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