Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
