Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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