i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
