he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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