Screwed.edu
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
