You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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