You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
