If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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