It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize