its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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