he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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