another moral hangover. fuck.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
