Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
