We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize