I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize