Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
