All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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