he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
