I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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