You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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