He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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