A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
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