I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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