you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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