The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
