so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
