hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
