I want to make a zoo with you.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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