She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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