I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
