ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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