i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
