OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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