i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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