I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
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you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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