Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
