I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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