i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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