i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
