Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
