Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
