Swine flu. Run for my life!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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