do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
