the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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