I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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